Where have I been?

This thought struck me one day  – where have I been all my life? I have started processing situations and thoughts by writing poetry – a kind of prose poetry. I will share these poems with you as I go along.

I call them my “Tuesday” poems. I take myself out to dinner, generally on a Tuesday evening, accompanied by my iPad. The ambience is relaxing. I am not surrounded by reminders of duties calling for my attention. I can think freely.

Here’s the first one, written June 25, 2019.

Where have I been all my life?

Where have I been all my life?
I’ve been present, here and there in fleeting, flitting moments
I have memories which rise and fall, some of ecstatic moments, moments of success, moments of which I’m proud
And others of moments best left in the grave where they belong, but which resurrect at the oddest times
I think of many things that bring me grief
But
There is joy.

Where have I been all my life?
Why was I not more present? Why did I not carpe diem?
How serious I was as a teenager, studying existentialism, seeking the reason for life
Carefree in my twenties, reaping the consequences and coming back into the fold to worship the Almighty in my thirties, raising a daughter in my forties, reinventing myself in my fifties, graduating from university in my sixties
All the while battling Bipolar Disorder until I learned to manage it.

I gaze down the river of the past as it twists and turns, bearing bits of history on its eddies and currents
I peer up the river of the future and I wonder: am I too jaded, too cynical to extract bits of hope?
But
There is joy.

I am alive. The sun shines. I have my wits about me. And having my daughter’s love…priceless!
Can I measure the future by the past? Wisdom says not
So, carpe diem, I say. Appreciate the view of the river as it flows past
Distill joy. Relax.

#

And so, relax! enjoy your summer!

Affectionately,

Penny

 

 

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